Journaling, earthworming and hoping

I’m almost done reading “The Mindbody Prescription: Healing the Body, Healing the Pain” by Dr. John Sarno MD and I have to say—

I truly believe there’s something relevant to my pain within these pages.

I’ve also started listening to someone who studied with Sarno named Nicole Sachs. I watch her YouTube videos while I’m working. I’m going to buy this woman’s book today because everything she says makes sense to me. And to be honest, I’m getting so tired of living with pain.

I mean, fuck this stuff. I’m ready to do anything to get rid of it.

I’m seeing a chiropractor who’s trying to move my crooked tailbone externally. I have a new and improved physical therapist who is helping with the muscles all around down there (and if you don’t think that hurts-you’ve got another thing coming)

Hey. That reminds me of a song from when I was 15. I saw the Screaming for Vengeance tour live. Rob Halford beating his motorcycle with a whip, lasers going off everywhere. The whole enchilada.

Did I think then that I’d ever be some 50 year old woman struggling with pain?

Hell no.

Pisser about Glenn Tipton though, huh.

Yeah.

Anyway–here ya go:

So back to YouTube Nicole. This lady encourages her students to make lists of things, memories, character traits that bother us. It can be anything. Then she encourages us to take 20 minutes a day, pick a topic from our lists (my lists are loooonnggg) and purge on paper about that topic.

I did my first 20 minute journal exercise this morning. I wrote so much, I almost set the notebook on fire. I even had to go back after my 20 minutes was up to add stuff. Hope that’s okay. I’m betting it is.

I felt tired when I was done. Like I worked out. And I wrote a lot of shit I always think but never say.

I think I did the exercise right. I almost spelled out “write” just then. Ha.

I am hoping like mad this is the answer I’m looking for. I’m ordering Nicole’s book today.

I’m stopping at nothing to feel better again.

I’m not living out the rest of my years feeling like crap, emotionally or physically. That’s for damn sure.

In other news this morning, the earthworms and birds are out in full-force.

I tried to show Penny this guy this morning, but poor pooch–she was looking everywhere like–what? What the hell are you showing me? Look how fat Mr. Worm is. Hope he has a good day and doesn’t get eaten. But if he does, some bird is gonna be lovin’ it.

Also, Penny Lane started her new drug regimen last night. We all slept pretty peacefully all night long. What a fucking relief.

If we can get Penn’s seizures under control, I’m going to guess my anxiety/ stress might also come down about a million notches. That would help ease my pain, too.

Doesn’t it all just sound so lovely.

Fingers and toes crossed for much better days ahead.

I’m reading something mighty interesting

Holy hell.

This book is talking about ME.

Have you guys ever heard of Dr. John Sarno?

I’ve been looking for ways to feel better for months now. I read this guy’s other book “Healing Back Pain” and now I’ve moved on to this.

I think I’m on to something.

Repressed feelings. Rage. Anxiety.

<raising hand>

PRESENT!

I’ll tell you more as I get into it more, but this morning over my cup of coffee, I’m reading and I’m going–yep. yep. yep.

Interesting stuff.

In other news, I downloaded all my pics I’ve posted on Facebook and I closed my page down. I, like everyone else, have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. Some stuff and people I love to see. Most of it, though, I hate. And I get really emotionally upset when I read stuff I hate or I think is stupid.

I finally decided–I’m removing that negativity from my life for now. It can’t be helping me get better, feeling anger like I do over some of the stuff I see there.

That makes me a “snowflake”, I know.

Good. I like snowflakes. I’d rather be a snowflake than an asshole.

See? I mean, what kind of concept is that even? Without Facebook, I would have never known I am what some people would call a snowflake, and not in a good way.

It’s going to be hard to stay away. But I’m going to for my mental and physical health.

In my last little piece of fun info for the day, I got my belly-button pierced the other night. Just for funsies. Bill and I went out to dinner, I was feeling good, and yes I was a little tipsy.

I had my belly-button pierced back when I was 30 and I saw that super-cute Fiona Apple in her “Criminal” video. Cute flat tummy, pierced navel.

At the time, I was a young mom of 2, thinking my tummy wasn’t as cute as hers. Looking back on it now it probably was. I took that piercing out when I got sick of it–I don’t know, like over 10 years ago.

Hey, remember when Joan Osborne came out with that song about God and had the hoop in her nose? It was like the same time. I read that hoop was fake. Still–everyone started piercing shit, remember?

So we went last Friday night and I did it again.

Now I KNOW my tummy ain’t what it used to be in the way of sexy young girl flat stomachs, but guess what. I no longer give a fuck if I actually look my age. Because guess what?

I’m 50.

And I know now that my body is way more than something for other people to look at.

My body has gotten me this far in 50 years and she and I have had a hard year this year. I’m going to be overly-good and kind to myself for a change.

So I bought myself a hole for my navel and stuck my birthstone in it.

Cute. And hey, I cleaned that thing up before I took this pic. It was bloody and rather gnarly.

So anyway-thanks for reading today. I’m going to go back to my book and read more about suppressing rage. And then later I’m going to my friends’ house to celebrate Ostara.

Springtime, you bitch. Where you been? I’m glad you’re back. I need you and your breath of fresh air.

💚