I decided to delete my Facebook last week.
I’m dealing with PTSD as a result of my former diagnosis and the treatment I just finished. The only thing that physically bothers me now is pelvic pain that flares when I’m stressed. I’m grateful that’s all I experience, but I will say—pelvic pain is no picnic. It’s impossible to ignore. But, just like the warrior goddess I am, I’m getting help for my mental state. I’m discovering it’s the best gift I’ve ever given myself.
I did all that other hard healing stuff. I figure I deserve to heal all the way.
Facebook can be fun about 10% of the time. The other 90% is garbage.
Reminders of my former disease appeared before me with every scroll.
Add in asinine opinions from “friends” about issues…
My pelvis told me every time I looked-please stop looking at this. Please.
So, I have.
I feel pretty good about not swimming in the cesspool anymore.
But last night, about an hour before I went to sleep, I felt so lonely. I wished for someone to talk to, just for fun. I can always talk to my husband, I know. When I told him after we kissed goodnight how lonely I had felt, he reminded me—I can always talk to him. I know this. He’s so great. But he was unwinding from his long day, and I wanted him to be able to just do that.
I survived the momentary loneliness, of course. I did think how if I was on Facebook, I could’ve talked to someone. But I don’t want to have to subject myself to the piss just to have someone to talk to.
Loneliness beats crap a thousand times over.
The happy endings for the night were the reminders I always have Bill. As we curled up side by side, listening to binaural beats on our Alexa, our new kitten, Felix, crawled up and planted his soft little body right against my chest. He’s a black cat and we’re so lucky to have him. He’s a total cuddle-bug. He was right by my face, against my chest, purring. It was like he knew I needed comforting.
He stayed there a long time. I fell asleep petting him. I may have cried a few happy tears over feeling so loved by a wise little kitten who came to live with us right before my surgery.
I had no pelvic pain as I drifted off.