cancer · wimps

If I Try to Have a Positive Day

If I try to have a positive day these days, something always comes up and fucks it all.

I just called my prescription place and they told me my chemo pill prescription has been cancelled. This makes no sense whatsoever since I have 3 more rounds of this chemo.

I called my doctor’s office to ask what the heck is going on. Someone is going to call me back today.

This is my life now. Waiting for doctors to call back about pills I’m simultaneously afraid to take but afraid to not have.

Of course they won’t call til the end of the day so I can enjoy a day of freaking out instead of trying to just have a normal day (as if anything now is normal).

Also

You know what else I hate?

All my life I’ve been one of those people who stood by my friends and always helped no matter how bad a situation is.

Seems like I’m in the minority with that super power. I know I asked for people not to contact me at first and I still feel the same

Do you know how overwhelming a diagnosis is to deal with at first all the while my phone blew up every second of every day?

It’s interesting how some people were probably thrilled with that request because it got them off the hook worrying about me.

I don’t know what I’m saying right now.

I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m glad I’m not a wimp.

So yeah.

Sigh.

This all sucks.

Have a nice day.