cancer · children · colorectal cancer · guilt · husband

One Thing I Definitely Hate About This

One thing I hate about having what I have is knowing that my kids know and even though they’re grown, I’ve made a life out of sheltering them from all the shit we’ve been through (most of which they still don’t know about) this they have to know about. I can’t hide this shitstorm from them.

And I can’t help thinking I’m fucking up their lives. Even though they know this year is gonna suck. They’re busy with their lives and work and friends and they’re happy overall.

But look at this giant pile of shit I’ve dumped in my family’s life. I feel guilty…completely guilty. I never meant to get this!

I soothe my upset brain by telling it to just get through everything, and hopefully I’ll come back feeling better than I have before. And when I do, I’m going spoil and love my kids and husband EVEN MORE.

I love Bill, Andrew, Audra and Maria. More than they can ever understand. My family is my life!


4 thoughts on “One Thing I Definitely Hate About This

  1. Well, that’s one way of looking at your situation.
    But consider…your plight has drawn them even closer, the binding of your love and their love is tighter AND more flexible.
    You continue to model for your loves how to be a human and how to bad-ass your shit-canning of the uninvited mugger, the cancer that is trying to rape your cells and will regret ever hearing your name. He’s looking for a way out. But he has gifted you…you are the Hero of your journey, which is also, now, a journey for each of your loves.
    I repeat…you’re GOOD!


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