cancer · naming everything · nice people

Pay It Forward

I had a complete stranger reach out to me on messenger last night.

Her name is Kristin and she is cancer free.

She gave me all kinds of good advice regarding what’s coming up. She gave me actual questions to ask at my dr appointments. She also informed me that reading cancer Facebook pages is fine but not to do it too much. She told me gobs of people recover then leave those pages to go live their lives.

I’ve been in such a panic for a month now. I’ve been reading everything. The one thing I was searching for was to know that I’ll be fine.

After she told me that—I thought—well, duh!

My husband told me the same thing. People get better then move on.

I never ever wanted this to happen to me. Now I just want to get moving and become one of those people.

But knowing me—I’ll be one of those people who “moves on”, but like that nice stranger who talked to me and made me feel a million times better, I’ll probably do the same for someone else who is going to someday feel like I do now.

Anyway. It’s a rainy January morning. And I’m just lying in bed like I do these days, way later than I have since 1992 when my first baby was born.

I don’t like being slowed down, but I’m going to try to cut myself a fucking break.

But here soon I’m going to get up, do laundry and mop the kitchen floor. Get real food out for dinner so my husband doesn’t have to eat fast food again tonight. (Sick of it!)

I like to give names to things in my life. My cars have all had names:

Jude the white Chevette!

Flying Green Peanut-my sporty Hyundai.

Jimmy-my cool ass Audi convertible.

And now Astrid the VW Beetle.

I decided to name my stupid tumor. At first I came up with “Mr. T”—get it? Mr. T?

I also have an actual friend who is going through what I’m going through. We hooked up on one of those pages! We started chatting and she goes—omg i know you!!

Turns out I know her through work. I used to see her all the time.

Now is that kismet or what?

She said I need to name it something weak and easy to break! And I thought—shes absolutely right.

Came up with the name Wimpy. Now I’m also considering Donald Trump. A real genuine pain in the ass and a cream puff for sure.

Anyway, I’ll have to think about it some more.

I just wanted to check in and say hi.

And thank goodness for helpful and kind strangers (and friends) who reach out to help people just because they care.

8 thoughts on “Pay It Forward

  1. My seestah.
    You’re doing great at connecting but setting boundaries.

    I almost died once. Literally. Alcohol almost killed me. My system was shutting down.

    I’ll be twenty years a year from now, and I have not ceased reaching out to strangers and helping them with any sort of addiction or addictive mentality they might have.

    As for the name of that fucking tumor. I say give it a royal cuss word. That way whenever you talk about it, you can vent out a good cuss word and have a great excuse. Not that you need an excuse. Fuckface.
    Better yet? Mr. Asshole.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I like the name Donald Trump, the pain in the ass! But Mr. T for short, since T stands for tumor and for Trump. And that rhymes with rump, which is even more appropriate!

    I’m so glad you are connecting with people who have and are currently going through the same thing! And I have NO DOUBT you’ll be one of those who helps others after you are one the other side! And you WILL be on your he other side of this crap!

    I’m also glad you are cutting yourself a flipping break. And if you feel like doing the normal things like cooking Bill dinner and mopping, go for it! I say do whatever makes you happy…which, if I know you, is probably making your hubby happy.

    Sometimes I wish we could to revisit those times we spent together watching Dating Story, Wedding Story, Baby Story, Trading Spaces and music videos on VH-1 while we nursed our youngest babies and our kids played. But our kids grew up to he these terrific adults and we are in this next phase. Isn’t that great?? Now you have to get through this huge pain in your ass and pulverize it!! Unfortunately there is no way to get around it..just through it. (Sorry for the lame cliche)

    Love you, friend!

    P.S. If you get a hankering for someone else’s cooking, I’ll bring you some viddles.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Girl, don’t open that can of worms! I still dream about your red potato salad!!

      Those days were the BEST. Kids runnin around ❤️

      Remember Seantos and Felicia!!! Lol


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