cancer diagnosis

:(

This is how I am going to keep people updated with me now.

I was diagnosed December 23 with rectal cancer.

I still can’t believe it.

I have always been healthy, worked out like a fiend, have never been overweight, went and got all of my Pap smears and mammograms and they were perfect and I wait 3 years to get my baseline colonoscopy and boom:

I have cancer.

Not just any cancer. Rectal. This means I am going to have to radiate and chemo my backside and then have part of it removed.

I have no idea how I am going to get through this and I am scared.

Already I am tired of people telling me stuff like “keep the faith. Let go and let God.”

Anyone who knows me knows I don’t believe in God. Hearing that doesn’t make me feel better. It makes me feel worse. I WISH I could hang on to that kind of thing, but I know in my heart it’s not real.

I know people mean well.

I just want to be Susan again:

Bill’s wife who runs the house and waits for her husband to come home so we can eat dinner and hang out together and maybe go to our favorite restaurant and thrift shopping now and then.

The scoop for now:

4 cm rectal tumor, low, one suspicious node. Chemo and radiation and surgery in April.

Have I mentioned we never get sick or go to doctors?

I can’t believe this is my life now.

18 thoughts on “:(

  1. Fuck cancer. It’s stupid. It’s sneaky and evil and has no idea of the bullshit it causes families. You however have three things the cancer doesn’t. Family. Friends. And you little support people that you feed and pickup their poop. So the way I see it: Susan 4 ( because you plus 3 =4). And cancer 1. Right now you are winning. Don’t forget that!!! Zoltan out!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Of course you’re scared, who wouldn’t be. It’s a totally natural emotional response to this attack.
    Keep writing, you’ve obviously taken that step already.
    Research…you’ve probably already started. Learn all you can about the monster…learn the success rate of treatment. Envision that you’re a statistic in the success rate.
    You’re a survivor.
    Write like a maniac and keep feeding your readers. It’s a purpose.
    Gratitude. You have Bill, Andrew, Audra and your daughter, and friends.
    Love.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Writing is excellent therapy! It gets all the crap out of your mind so you can process it! And you are very good at it! It acts like Dumbledoor’s pensive.

      Love and hugs!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. They’re doing all kinds of things to beat that bastard these days.

    Sucks that you have to be miserable in the process.

    Picture me visiting you someday, with a new Barbie in a box. You provide the roller skates.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. To hold your hand, talk about our usual, ridiculous stuff or just sit quietly, I am here for you. Always. You have been in my heart for 52 years. You are not going through this alone ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Essiac tea, graviola capsules and sour sop tea. Apricot Kernals, also , dandelion root 10-1 capsules . Just a few things you can do yourself with amazons helps to fight and reduce its size. . You have until April to drink lots of teas. You aren’t powerless here. I know it’s scary but you will be Bills wife Susan who waits for him again. Visualize it getting smaller. Visualize success. Much love.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Cheech the love you comment is for you but Andy you already know I love you too!

        Cheech, come with me to anything you can come to. This is gonna be fun, isn’t it 💙

        Like

  5. Two things I know for sure:
    You’re an AMAZING writer and way fiercer than stupid cancer.
    I will send vibes to the universe to tell it to get its shit together.
    Love you!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. No words…. just know I am here if needed. We still need that lunch date and it will happen. Much love, light and good vibes sent your way❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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